


It Was Us, Baby, Way Before Then (and We're Still Together)

by quicksilvermalec, quicksilverstucky (quicksilvermalec)



Series: Stucky Oneshots [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky is a gay fuck, Bucky is angsty, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Like so much angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Pining, REO Speedwagon - Freeform, Songfic, Steve-centric angst, Suicide, because fight me, enter at your own risk, trigger warning, tw for suicide, tw suicidal thoughts/ideations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilvermalec, https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverstucky
Summary: You should’ve seen by the look in my eyes, babyThere was somethin’ missin’You should’ve known by the tone of my voice, maybeBut you didn’t listen***Bucky has some issues.





	It Was Us, Baby, Way Before Then (and We're Still Together)

The world had ended, so why did the battle not cease, why did every combatant not lay down their arms?

He stared at the lifeless body in his arms.

To think that only a moment ago those blue eyes had glistened so brightly, that his now-pale cheeks had flushed pink.

It killed him.

Steve was dead in Bucky’s arms, and a part of Bucky - a very large part - had died with him. He was empty.

_You should’ve seen by the look in my eyes, baby_  
_There was somethin’ missin’_  
_You should’ve known by the tone of my voice, maybe_  
_But you didn’t listen_

He replayed it in his mind, over and over, on a loop.

His smile.

His laugh.

The single moment of overconfidence - a side of Steve that rarely showed through - that had destroyed everything Bucky lived for.

The sound. A gunshot.

With his dying breath, one mangled man had shot Captain America in the side.

He never screamed. He never made a sound.

He just keeled over and fell to the ground. Bucky was already running.

_You played dead_  
_But you never bled_  
_Instead you laid still in the grass, all coiled up and hissin’_

Bucky stood. Steve was heavier than he remembered, probably because he’d never held him since the serum made him all buff and beautiful.

What was he saying?

Steve had always been beautiful.

The only difference was that Steve had started to protect Bucky instead of the other way around.

Bucky had just forgotten to keep protecting Steve.

He saw Tony’s face as he passed him with Steve’s body, and it was a look of shock. It was a look of guilt. And above all, it was a look of pain.

 _You have no right to be hurt by this, Tony Stark_ , Bucky thought. _You were never a friend to him._

He remembered Steve hugging Tony at some point, and an unwelcome pang of jealousy struck him.

_And though I know all about those men_  
_Still I don’t remember_  
_‘Cause it was us, baby_  
_Way before then_  
_And we’re still together_

The cruelest way to lose someone you love.

Death.

Because whatever happens between two people, if they love each other enough, they can find a way to make it work.

When one dies, there’s no going back.

The next few weeks passed in a blur.

Bucky, to get over his grief, binged all of Doctor Who.

Bucky wanted a time machine.

He remembered wishing that the Doctor would show up and take him back to when Steve was alive.

And leave him there.

In that moment.

Forever.

Every night, Bucky visited his grave.

Every night, he said the same thing, over and over.

The thing he’d never said in life to Steve.

The one thing he’d always wanted him to hear.

_And I’m gonna keep on loving you_  
_‘Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do_  
_I don’t wanna sleep_  
_I just wanna keep on loving you_

He never slept anymore. He rarely ate. His condition got worse and worse.

Even Natasha was worried about him.

Finally, he couldn’t handle it anymore. It had been coming for a while, but it was the last straw. He couldn’t look Tony in the eye every day and force a smile on his face and say, “I’m fine” because he wasn’t, and he never would be again.

He left a note.

He left it for Natasha because she knew. She understood.

It said

 _I’m sorry. I couldn’t take it anymore. Make sure that I’m_ (the next word was blurred by tears) _right next to him, please. And tell Tony not to worry about me. He doesn’t need to feel responsible.  
__~Bucky_

He went to Steve’s grave.

And, once more, for the final time, he said the three words he most regretted never saying to Steve when he was alive.

“I love you.”

And then he slit his own throat.


End file.
